Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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