anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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