I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
