So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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