if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
