You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
