We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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