I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
