You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
