Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
