the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
