so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
