dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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