I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
