And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
