Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
