I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
