I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
