he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
