Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
