Moan for me like Helen Keller
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
