a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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