Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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