I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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