I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
