a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
