I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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