Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
