We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
