Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
