Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My bed smells like the plague
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
