You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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