i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
