Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
