Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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