Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
