I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
