Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
