You just made me feel so damn special
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
