I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
