hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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