Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
