I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That reminds me...we need to get swords
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
