her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My liver just had a heart attack.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
