He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
