Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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