Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
