just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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