I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
