he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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