i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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