he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
